Seven Down, Eight Up
by WinterOfOurDiscontent
Summary: Naruto is woken up in the middle of the night by Sasuke, who has escaped Sound and now needs his help with some unfinished business. Rampant silliness follows. Eventual SasuNaru and other pairings.
1. Nocturnal Admissions

WARNING: This work of fanfiction contains both boy/boy and boy/girl pairings. It's also really silly. If you're likely to have a problem with either of these, it's okay, you don't have to read it. Otherwise, enjoy! Subsequent author notes and general disclaimer will be at the bottom of each chapter.

Oh, yeah. One more warning, added after I got a few flames: There will be Original Characters in this story. They are NOT Mary Sues. They're characters, and they serve very specific plot purposes. Fanfiction is all about what if's, and sometimes creating new characters are necessary to tell the story you're trying to tell. That being said, if you can't possibly stand the idea of there being anyone there who Kishimoto-sama didn't create... I'm letting you know now.

* * *

The knocking didn't wake Naruto up, per se. Consciousness is a funny thing, and even after years of ninja training designed to indoctrinate a state of almost permanent hyper-awareness… he could still probably have slept through a full-out assault by the Village of Sound.

So instead of simply waking when the knocking began… a knocking that grew systematically louder and more persistent as it was ignored… he shifted his limbs again, managing to entangle his body in the sheets in a way that would probably be easier to cut through with a kunai than twist out of, come morning.

Finally the knocking just gave up, unable to compete with dream ramen.

The knocker, however, was unwilling to lose a fight with these noodles of the mind. And, being a ninja, the visitor knew that houses have many entrances, provided you don't mind the subsequent alteration in the insurance premiums.

So he gave up trying to be polite (which wasn't really his forte anyhow) and just broke the window with a well-aimed stone, climbed up the wall vertically (behold, the power of chakra!), and slipped into the bedroom of Naruto's second floor apartment.

But because the only thing deeper than Naruto's sleep is the suspension of disbelief the reader will need as this story progresses, he continued dreaming of ramen. Lakes of ramen stretching as far as the eye can see. "Miso…" he sighed happily. "Miso miso miso…"

The intruder cocked his head to the side slightly as he pondered his next move. He needed to wake Naruto, but in a way that wouldn't wake the entire neighborhood as well. Which meant he not only had to wake him quietly, but stop him from yelling immediately afterwards.

So really, that was the only reason he leaned down and kissed Naruto. It was definitely not because he secretly had a massive thing for him, or because the author wanted to get in some fanservice in the first chapter. Nope. Ninja are all about efficiency. It worked, too. Because at the age of sixteen, Naruto's hormones possessed enough strength to tear his brain away from food. And so it was that his eyes opened (a short time after his lips had done so to allow the visitor's tongue access) to see a familiar set of glowing red eyes staring into his blue ones.

Naruto meant to yell "Sasuke-bastard!" but what with the tongue and the lips covering his mouth it came out as more of a low gutteral moan of pleasure. And he would have struggled out of it, too, only Sasuke had somehow wrapped the sheets around him so he couldn't move. If only he had a kunai to cut himself free… But the kunai on the nightstand may as well have been miles away, and so he was forced to endure the horrifically pleasant kiss for at least a few minutes more than was strictly necessary, due to Sasuke's determination to make sure he was fully awake. Ninja are very thorough.

Slightly breathless when he broke away from the kiss, Sasuke had the presence of mind (just barely) to replace his lips with his hand, silencing Naruto as efficiently but much less interestingly than before.

"I don't have time to explain. I need your help."

Naruto was impressed. In spite of the brevity of his statements, the dark-haired ninja had still uttered one and a half more sentences than he usually bothered with. It was that, and not the infamous Uchiha puppy dog eyes now turned on him, that made him decide to temporarily forestall beating the living daylights out of the traitorous bastard. Well, that, and curiousity. Whatever could make Sasuke come back to Konohanagure an indeterminate amount of years after his betrayal to ask for help from the teammate he'd tried to kill… this had to be good.

It was definitely not the puppy dog eyes.

"Get dressed, we have to go now. Quietly." In Sasuke terms, he was practically rambling. Curiouser and curiouser. Naruto did as he was told, biting his lip to keep from yelling as he almost fell, due to an unfortunate misunderstanding his feet had about which of them went in which pant leg. And then again when his toes hit the edge of his bed. And when in his haste he grabbed the wrong end of his kunai off the nightstand.

A few minutes later, both ninja, one with a bloody lip, jumped through the broken window and began running across the rooftops away from Konohanagakure.

A few hours later, the stomach of the ninja with the scab on his lip broke the silence. And terrified nearby birds into flight. "Sasuke, I'm huunnnngryyyyy…… Can we stop for breakfast?" They were currently running through the treetops in traditional ninja fashion.

"We're miles away from any towns, dobe."

"You're the one who broke my window, woke me up in the middle of the night, tried to kill me in that fight …and… kissed me! The least you could do is get me some damn ramen for breakfast!" In the time since Sasuke had left the village, Naruto had matured greatly, become calmer, more thoughtful, and of course, a great deal stronger. None of these newfound traits were visible before eight am at the earliest.

He could, however, effortlessly catch whatever it was Sasuke flung towards him. It was a nutrition bar, standard issue, the kind without chocolate chips. The life of a ninja was indeed a harsh one.

"Sorry."

Sorry for what? The kiss? The attempted murder? The window? The lack of chocolate chips? Still, the very fact that the Uchiha had apologized was astonishing. Maybe Orochimaru insisted his ninja have classes in basic etiquette.

No, scratch that, if that were true that one chick with the flute would never have passed.

"So," he asked, having consumed the entire bar in three bites, "where are we going and what do you need me for?"

"We're going to the Hidden Village of Sound. It's a rescue mission."

Naruto persisted. "But you came from there, didn't you? So why do you need to rescue someone from someplace you went willingly? And… stuff." None of this was making any sense to the blonde or to the readers.

"Look, I decided to leave the village a while back but it's not a place you can just leave. They kept me locked up so Orochimaru could use my body next time he needed to switch to a new one. But a couple of the other prisoners helped me escape. I couldn't take them with me, though, so now we're going back for them." Then, before Naruto could ask any of the million and one questions his summary begged, he added, "And I know you'll have a million more questions, dobe, but trust me, they can wait until later. Right now we need to concentrate on getting us into and us and them out of Sound alive."

If Sasuke had looked in Naruto's direction at that moment, he would have seen a truly impressive pout, one Naruto had spent years perfecting on Iruka. One that would probably, by its very cuteness, have caused Sasuke to miss a step and hit the trunk of a tree with his face. So it's probably just as well he didn't look to his left. "Okay, okay, I get the idea. But can I ask one question?"

"Fine." This was truly a kinder, gentler Sasuke. "What?"

"Who is it we're rescuing?" He hoped they weren't anything like any of the sound nins he'd dealt with before. Though they were prisoners. Just so long as they weren't like that Kimimaro guy. Man, had he been creepy. No one should be able to nonchalantly pull a sword out of your arm made **out of your arm**. Ew.

"Two kunochi. One of them is your sister."

"MY SIS…" Sasuke turned and glared at him, Sharingan spinning for all it was worth. Naruto took the hint and, with great difficulty, shut the hell up.

So he had a sister. He had a sister! Maybe she'd be a younger sister, and she could move in with him. He'd take care of her, teach her everything he knew… well, not the sexy no jutsu… and she'd look up to him and call him jikei and they could play together and he'd buy her ramen. Or maybe she was an older sister and she'd move in with him and boss him around and tell him to clean his room. But she'd also fuss over him and make dinner for him so they could eat together, so he wouldn't mind. And he'd be her otouto. And either way he'd have a family and wouldn't that be cool? Though he already had Iruka-sensei, who was like an older brother… would she and Iruka get along? What if she didn't like ramen? No, that was silly, no sister of his could ever fail to appreciate this food of the gods. What if she liked ramen more than he did?

His thoughts thus occupied, they managed to reach the Hidden Village of Sound in only a sentence or two. The rest of the trip was uneventful, and thankfully for Sasuke, very quiet. Then they reached the outskirts of the Hidden Village of Sound.

Sasuke pulled a scroll from one of his pouches and spread it on the ground in front of him.

"This is a map of the village. Guards are posted here," he pointed, "…here and here. The prison cells are here. Orochimaru and many of the high level ninja are currently away on some top secret mission, so they won't be a problem, and Sound isn't expecting an attack. It's still better guarded than the Leaf, though, so be on your guard at all times."

"This is the plan…"

* * *

Disclaimer for entire piece: This is a work of derivative fiction based on the characters and setting of Naruto, created by Masashi Kishimoto. No ownership, except of a few original characters, is implied.

Dedicated to catspaw18 and QuestofDreams, with special thanks to those who have taken the time to review my earlier works.

The idea for this work comes from a dare given to me by catspaw18.

Comments and suggestions welcome.


	2. Sounds of Shinobi

_ "This is a map of the village. Guards are posted here," he pointed, "…here and here. The prison cells are here. Orochimaru and many of the high level ninja are currently away on some top secret mission, so they won't be a problem, and Sound isn't expecting an attack. It's still better guarded than the Leaf, though, so be on your guard at all times."_

"This is the plan…" 

* * *

"So… how often does he go off on these…" the Sound nin paused, feeling awkward. "…excursions?"

He was obviously newly cursed. "We call them 'top secret missions.'" The other, older guard informed him. "He needs them a couple of times a year. It's a great honour to be chosen to accompany him."

"Is it true what the other guys say…" the new guard leaned in closer. "Do you actually have to scrub his back?"

"Not if you're lucky. Just keep your head down, do whatever Orochimaru-sama says, and don't make any 'time of the month jokes.' He's very touchy when he's shedding."

Just inside the hot spring, Orochimaru sneezed twice in rapid succession. Someone was talking about him. Who would dare do such a thing?

"Guards!"

The two ninja stationed outside the entrance rushed in.

"You called, Orochimaru-sama?" asked the older one politely. The younger was still staring, open-mouthed, at his leader. Naked. In a hot spring, which, thankfully, covered him from the waist down. Bits of shed skin littered the floor around the pool. You saw a lot of weird things living in the Hidden Village of Sound, but this…

Unfortunately, he didn't cover his shock fast enough. And Orochimaru was not in a good mood.

"What are you looking at? You think I'm ugly, don't you? I look hideous right now! And I'm bloated! I could barely get that stupid purple rope around my waist this morning!"

And before the hapless guard could protest that no, Orochimaru-sama had never looked better, and could he be excused to get his great and terribly attractive leader some chocolate, said leader had wrapped an improbably long tongue around his neck. A few seconds later the guard was no longer in a position to enjoy the generous benefits package Sound Nin were offered, including full dental, provided you were willing to go to Kabuto-san for it.

"Go dump the corpse somewhere." Orochimaru said, somewhat more calmly, to the surviving guard. "And come back quickly. My back needs scrubbing."

* * *

The brick was quietly pulled out from the wall, creating an opening between the cells. A familiar voice whispered, "You've done everything we discussed, Izumi-chan?"

"Just like you said, aneki."

"The water?"

"Yep."

"The restrooms?"

"Every one but the ones on the far east side."

"Wonderful. I need you to do one more thing. Stand over by the window and stay there until I tell you to move, okay?"

"Okay… but why?"

"I… we… trust me. Please? We're almost out of here."

"Fine, fine… but you owe me. Especially since you had me do all the work while you sat in there and read."

"I promise to buy you ramen at the first stand we see."

"Ramen? Deal." The brick was quietly wiggled back into place and both sat back to wait. One of them with her nose buried in a book, and one with her back against the outside wall of the prison.

* * *

"...so the signal to head in to the village is when all the toilets explode?" Naruto asked, puzzled.

Naruto was confused and Sasuke was smirking. Some things, even after all that time, hadn't changed. "All the toilets but the ones on the far side of the village."

"Eh?"

"They've put something in the water supply that'll give everyone the runs. Then they exploded all the toilets through the sewer lines, except the ones farthest away from the prison. In the confusion and fighting, we slip in and grab the prisoners."

Sasuke was then treated to a display of Naruto smile #3, the one that turned half his face into a grin and emphasized the catlike whiskers on his cheeks. The one that expressed infinite joy in the universe. The one that was adorable and at the same time strangely…hot.

…when had he started considering Naruto's smiles alluring? Probably when he was bored and lonely and had nothing to do but stare at the reinforced wall of his holding cell, which was about the same time he'd started categorizing Naruto's smiles from memory. By now, the smile classification system was a thing of beauty in its own right, with subtle gradations of diameter clearly delineated, and subcategories including "reason for smile" and "inherent level of cuteness." This one probably rated about a seven on the adorability scale.

Okay, he was so not going to think about any of that right now.

"That was a prank worthy of an Uzumaki!" Naruto announced proudly.

It was only then that Sasuke grasped the true horrour of the situation. One Naruto loose in the world was terrifying, but two of them… Satori had better be able to keep her in line.

Off in the distance, a sound could be heard, a sound never before heard in the Sound Village. But one that would have been instantly recognizable to any inhabitant of Leaf.

The toilets were exploding.

It was time to move.

Sasuke shoved the scroll back into his pouch and gestured for Naruto to follow.

* * *

He was bored and not feeling at all well.

Why'd he have to be on guard duty anyhow? None of these prisoners were fighters, and all were under a compulsion jutsu not to try to get out. But no, since that Uchiha brat had escaped a few days prior, there was increased security on the remaining important prisoners. The rumour was they were also trying to get back the Uchiha before Orochimaru-sama came back from his retreat and found out they'd lost him.

Otherwise, Orochimaru-sama would not be happy. And when Orochimaru-sama wasn't happy, nobody else was either. Except Kabuto-san, who tended to use these occasions to pick up more test subjects for his experiments.

Okay, now he really wasn't feeling well…

"Take over for me, I'm gonna go use the toilet," he said to the guard next to him, who was looking a little green as well. By now he was almost doubled over, and all he could think about was a nice relaxing trip to the latrines.

"No you're not, you're gonna stay here while I use the restroom!" The other guard suddenly pushed him aside and began running towards the nearest public convenience.

Not one to back down from a challenge, and really really needing to use the damned restroom, he began sprinting after the second guard. They got to the toilet a minute or two later, having spent the entire trip elbowing each other out of the way in a mad dash to be first.

It is a well-known fact that Sound nin do not get along with other villages. It is less well-known, but equally true, that they don't get along with other Sound nin either. So when they saw a huge crowd gathered around the lavatories, their first thought was not to form an orderly queue, but to begin punching and fighting their way through the crowd. A crowd composed entirely of people trained from a very young age to fight and kill.

It was brutal and horrible, and smelled worse, on account of a few in the crowd not being able to hold themselves in any longer.

Then, of course, the toilets in front of them exploded.

As one, they all began running for the next available toilet. Which had exploded by the time they got there. Until it became clear that for the entire village of several thousand people, there was one set of community toilets left unscathed and usable.

It was going to be a bloodbath.

* * *

_ Well, here are the first two chapters... it's a little scary to post, as this is probably going to be the longest thing I've ever written. Was it funny? Comments and suggestions welcome._

The next chapter should be up in a week or two. 


	3. Meeting the Family

_As one, they all began running for the next available toilet. Which had exploded by the time they got there. Until it became clear that for the entire village of several thousand people, there was one set of community toilets left unscathed and usable.   
It was going to be a bloodbath._

* * *

The streets seemed oddly deserted as Naruto and Sasuke made their way towards the prison, jumping across the rooftops. In the distance, they could hear what sounded like a battle, but the town itself looked temporarily unguarded.

The prison was a squat, unremarkable building made of thick grey stone. Sasuke led them past the barred and reinforced door and around to the North outside wall.

"I hope they haven't moved them…" he said before knocking on the wall twice in rapid succession, then once more slowly. A few seconds later, this was answered by three quick knocks from the other side.

"Good." He turned to Naruto. "Move down the wall about ten feet and use your Rasengan on it. The walls are three foot thick, so don't overdo it. I've got this one," he said as blue chakra began crackling around his arm.

"Rasengan!"

"Chidori!"

"My hole's bigger," Sasuke smirked.

Naruto rose to the bait, "You told me not to use it at full strength, bastard. Otherwise my opening would be way bigger."

Someone coughed. "I guess size does matter." A female voice noted wryly.

They turned to see a dust-covered figure emerging from the Chidori-shaped hole in the wall.

"Good to see you, Sasuke-san. I assume this is Naruto-kun?"

Sasuke nodded briefly in acknowledgement. "Satori-san." Naruto continued staring, as it was impossible to get a good look at her under all that stone dust. Was it her? He couldn't tell.

She grinned. "I'm Satori, and you have no idea how glad I am to see you both." She suddenly grabbed Naruto and hugged him tightly before letting go. "Could you give me a hand digging Izumi-chan out? She's buried under the rubble at the moment." Without waiting for a response, she headed into the other hole and began moving the stones.

Naruto finally shut his mouth, which had been hanging open, and followed Satori and Sasuke into the other cell. "Are you… are you my sister?"

Satori didn't look up, but continued digging to slowly reveal a female form. "I see Uchiha-san was as talkative as ever. No, I'm not your sister, though you're welcome to call me aneki. That's what she calls me." She gestured towards the rubble. "Izumi-chan is your sister."

Naruto ripped through the rubble in record time, clearing a space around the prone girl. Satori bent down and checked Izumi's pulse. "Good, she's fine, just out cold, and should be for at least a couple of hours." Carefully, she wiped off the dust on Izumi's face, revealing whisker marks identical to Naruto's. "I warn you, though, she's going to be really mad when she does wake up. I didn't tell her about this part of the plan."

"You set this up so my sister'd be knocked unconscious?" Naruto yelled. "What'd you do that for!" He started to glow slightly reddish.

Satori held up her hands placatingly. "Listen to me, please. We're both under a mind control jutsu. We literally can't try to escape, and if we do leave we'll try, even fight, to get back in. So the only way is for us to be carried out while we're unconscious. Once we're far enough away from the village, the jutsu should break of its own accord, but until then… you'll have to knock me out too." She looked at Naruto, who had calmed slightly but was still glaring at her. "And if it's all the same to you, I think I'd prefer if Sasuke-san did it."

"She'll be fine, honest, she heals fast." Satori added apologetically. "That's why I had to do it this way, it takes a lot to knock Izumi-chan out. Now please, hurry, eventually the guards will come back."

"She's right. Grab your sister and let's go." And before poor, still sort-of-confused Naruto could ask any questions, Sasuke had darted behind Satori and hit her in the back of the neck. He caught her as she slumped back, then slung her unceremoniously over his shoulder.

Naruto picked his sister up a good deal more gently, then headed through the wall and after Sasuke.

* * *

"I suggest a detour."

"Eh?" They had stopped by mutual consent after an hour or two of travel. Though neither would admit it, being tough ninja-types, the demanding pace and awkward cargo was quickly wearing them out.

Naruto lay sprawled out on the forest floor while Sasuke leaned more elegantly against the trunk of a tree. The girls were laid out nearby, both still out cold.

"There should be a village not far from here. It's small, but there's probably a place to stay for the night and get something to eat. Besides, the detour will mean a less direct route back to the Leaf, which should make us harder to track."

Naruto, being a caring older… wait a minute, was he the older brother or the younger brother? Dammit, it threw his whole familial plan into disarray not knowing such an important detail. Still, he was a caring sibling, and that was the point. Anyway. "Maybe they have hot springs and they can get a bath."

It was not something that would have occurred to Sasuke, but Naruto had a point. The girls probably would like a chance to wipe the grime of the explosion off. And while they were all there, they may as well use the hot spring too…

Okay, again, he was so not going to take that train of thought.

And so it was agreed that they would take the detour. Not, mind you, because once Sasuke had thought of Naruto in a hot spring, the idea wouldn't go away. Not because towns usually have ramen stands, either. And definitely not because they were exhausted from traveling at high speeds each lugging over a hundred pounds of dead weight either.

No, they did it because it was a brilliant ninja tactical maneuver.

Just like waking Satori first and having her wake Izumi.

"You told me to stand against that wall!" Izumi woke up quickly, it seemed. She also punched quickly.

Satori managed to stay one step ahead of the angry blonde whirlwind as she attempted to calm her down, "Izumi-chan, Ihadto! Andbytheway…" she ducked under and came up behind Izumi, "that'syourbrotheroverthere…" she jumped over her as Izumi spun around with a roundhouse kick, "somabyeyoushould…" then dodged with a teleportation jutsu neatly applied, "stoptryingtokillmeandsayhello."

Izumi paused, her fist inches from Satori's midsection. "He is?" Whipping her head from side to side, she spotted Naruto and Sasuke, who had wisely chosen to stand well out of the line of fire. Her blue eyes widened, and the next thing Naruto knew he was in a viselike hug. "Oniichan! You came! Satori-chan and Sasuke-san said you would and he says you're a lot like me and you're annoying too but I'm sure you're not and that you're a really great ninja…"

That, of course, was a clear invitation for Naruto to start telling her about the many exiting missions he'd been on, the amazing jutsus he'd mastered, and how he was clearly going to be the Hokage someday.

So he did.

For several hours.

As if to balance out the sheer amount of words being exchanged between the blonde loudmouths in front of them, Satori and Sasuke communicated entirely in shrugs and facial twitches.

A head jerk. -Is he always like that-

A nod. -You have no idea.-

A shrug. -Where are we going-

A chin tilt. -Village for rest and supplies.-

Pointing. -Then shouldn't we be going that way-

A kunai thrown towards an orange jacket. -Remind me to never let him lead again.-

* * *

AN: Thank you for sticking with the story so far. I've added another warning at the start after getting a flame or two about my daring use of Original Characters. (Gasp in shock and horrour) Like I said, they're not Mary Sues, and they do matter to the story. Still, this story will be primarily about Naruto and Sasuke.   
I'd especially like to thank those who have taken the time to review the story so far. It means a lot to me to know that people take the time to let me know they think I'm funny. So thank you, child-115, Seadragon, Tsugath, stainedsoul, Scarecrowqueen, howlflower, Kunochidreamer, and sylverrain. And Simple Life, who was kind enough to inform me they were never going to touch my story again because I'd mentioned an OC. And, as ever, my lovely beta Catspaw, without whom nothing would ever get done. The next chapter should be up in one to three weeks. 


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